Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a beer gut and a bald head, safe in the comfort that they are super sexy.
Everyone thinks that “sex” is the answer; well, it’s not. Sex is actually the question. "Yes" is the answer.
Yes, women can fake orgasms. But men can fake entire relationships.
Men have two states of mind: ‘hungry’ and ‘horny’. If your man doesn’t have an erection, you should make him a sandwich.
Husbands and diapers have one thing in common. You should change them both regularly, and for exactly the same reason.
I once saw a woman wearing a shirt with the word "Guess" written on it...so I said "Implants?"
If sex is a real pain in the ass, then you're probably doing it wrong.
Behind every successful man is a great woman. Behind the fall of that successful man is usually a different woman.
We have more than enough gun control. What we need now is a bit of idiot control.
Women may not hit as hard, but they can always hit low.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
If someone can bleed for five days and not die, I don’t trust them.
You should've known it wasn't going to work out between you and your ex-wife. After all, you’re a Libra and she's a bitch.
Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a frying pan.
There's a very fine line between cuddling and holding your victim down so they can't escape.
I got in a fight once with a really huge guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
On the one hand, we, as men, will never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can always open all our own jars.
Men think monogamy is something you make furniture out of.
Women now have choices. They can be married, not married; be married with children, unmarried with children, have a job, not have a job. Men have the same choice they’ve always had: work or prison.
Before marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve his wife; after marriage, he refuses to even lay down his newspaper to talk to her.
And one for women: Don't keep a man guessing too long - he's sure to find the answer someplace else.